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Last-modified: September 9, 2013
The latest edition of this FAQ can be retrieved from:
This article is a description and primer on Frequently Asked Questions (FAQ)
about the low-cost musical valveless trumpet-like brass wind instrument called the Hosaphone(tm).
The following topics are addressed:
1) A DIALOGUE WITH THE MASTER
2) HISTORY OF THE HOSAPHONE(TM)
2.1) What is a Hosaphone(tm)?3) HOSAPHONE(TM) PERFORMANCE PRACTICES
2.2) Why is there a need for a Hosaphone(tm) FAQ?
2.3) What's with the "(tm)"?
2.4) Who invented the Hosaphone(tm)?
2.5) Why was there a need for the Hosaphone(tm)?
2.6) Where and when was the Hosaphone(tm) invented?
2.7) What was the first Hosaphone(tm) like?
2.8) How is the word "Hosaphone(tm)" pronounced?
2.9) What is the proper reference to one who plays the Hosaphone(tm)?
2.10) What is the verb form of the word Hosaphone(tm)?
3.1) What is the difference between the Hosaphone(tm) and the so-called Natural Trumpet?4) HOSAPHONE(TM) ENSEMBLE APPLICATIONS
3.2) Does being a trumpet player help with the Hosaphone(tm)?
3.3) What's the best mouthpiece for the Hosaphone(tm)?
3.4) What is the proper way to execute the Doppler effect (also known as the HosaTwirl(tm) ) on the Hosaphone(tm)?
3.5) Can the sound of the Hosaphone(tm) be improved?
3.6) What can I do to fix the missed or out-of-tune tones I play on the Hosaphone(tm)?
3.7) Where to put the bell?
3.8) Does adding tassels improve the sound?
3.9) What about the "out-of-tune" partials?
3.10) My Hosaphone(tm) doesn't center and slot pitches. What can I do?
3.11) How does one make different notes on a Hosaphone(tm)?
3.12) What does the inventor/mentor recommend about how to start each day right?
4.1) Can I mix Hosaphones(tm) and so-called Natural Trumpets in ensembles?5) HOSAPHONE(TM) CONSTRUCTION
4.2) Can I mix Hosaphones(tm) and modern full chromatic valved trumpets in an ensemble?
5.1) Where can I get my very own Hosaphone(tm)?6) HOSAPHONE(TM) DESIGN AND THEORY
5.2) Can I build my own Hosaphone(tm) without special training and knowledge of engineering and/or metal- working?
5.3) Can I build a Hosaphone(tm) even though I am unable to telepathically communicate with animals?
5.4) OK, how do I build my own Hosaphone(tm)?
5.5) The construction of the Hosaphone(tm) sounds pretty general; can you provide a table of correct hose lengths to use for each key?
5.6) Could you send me Hosaphone(tm) specifications? I MUST have them.
5.7) What type of material (neoprene, nylon, etc.) should I use?
5.8) How do I add tassels?
5.9) How can I make sure that my Hosaphone(tm) is an official one and not some shop-class knock-off?
5.91) What is a UHID?
6.1) What are the physics behind the Hosaphone(tm)?7) HOSAPHONE(TM) CARE
6.2) What about tube curvature/bend radius (maximum/minimum) information?
6.3) Can I weld my mouthpiece into the tubing permanently?
6.4) What about bell size/flare specifications?
6.5) What is the maximum size of a Hosaphone(tm)?
7.1) Where can I get a gig bag for my Hosaphone(tm)?8) HOSAPHONE(TM) INSTRUMENTAL WORKS
7.2) Where do I go to get my Hosaphone(tm) repaired?
7.3) Why the need for labeling of the Hosaphone(tm)?
7.4) What kind of valve oil should I use on my Hosaphone(tm)?
7.5) Where can I get heavy valve caps for my Hosaphone(tm)?
7.6) Can I get a reverse lead pipe for my Hosaphone(tm)?
7.7) How do I use crooks?
7.8) Why freeze a Hosaphone(tm)?
7.9) Is it OK to give my Hosaphone(tm) a name?
7.10) What are some good Hosaphone(tm) names?
8.1) What can be performed on the Hosaphone(tm)?9) HOSAPHONE(TM) EDUCATION
8.2) Are there any original compositions composed specifically for the beloved Hosaphone(tm)? I abhor transcriptions!
9.1) Can you describe a Hosaphone(tm) lesson with the inventor of the Hosaphone(tm)?10) HOSAPHONE(TM) MULTIMEDIA COLLECTIONS AND RECORDING
9.2) Are there student models as well as pro-model Hosaphones(tm) available?
9.3) Are there any celebrities who play and endorse the Hosaphone(tm)?
9.4) What colleges offer applied Hosaphone(tm) performance degrees?
9.5) What method books are available for the Hosaphone(tm)?
9.6) Are there any Hosaphone(tm) play-along recordings?
10.1) What kind of microphone best captures the sound of the Hosaphone(tm)?11) TRUTHS AND THE FUTURE
10.2) Where can I get a picture of a Hosaphone(tm)?
10.3) Where can I get a sound file recording of the Hosaphone(tm)?
10.4) What is the web site for the official Hosaphone(tm) Page?
10.5) Is there an Employee of the Month program at Hosaphone(tm) Headquarters?
11.1) Come on now. Isn't this Hosaphone(tm) thing just a big joke?12) DICTIONARY OF TERMS
11.2) What are some future directions for Hosaphone(tm) development?
11.3) What is the patent status of the Hosaphone(tm)?
11.4) What is the required compensation for the use of a Hosaphone(tm)?
11.5) How do I list my Hosaphone(tm) on my insurance policy?
11.6) How much will a signature edition Hosaphone(tm) built by the inventor cost?
11.7) What's the major design difference between the Hosaphone(tm) and the so-called Natural Trumpet?
1) A DIALOGUE WITH THE MASTER
Workman: It is with my pleasure that a fine student such as yourself would seek the advice of my years of experience. I offer to you my wisdom and without contempt I dispense this knowledge to you. I know that the quest for such a knowledge in itself is a never-ending quest and I freely pass it along to you and others who have come to cross my path and will do so in the future.
Roth: I consider myself honored to hear such words and that you, without a jealous bone in your body, offer this knowledge to me. I will use it wisely.
Workman: Do you seek the knowledge for fame and riches, or do you possess a burning within your spirit for the truth of knowledge such as I to pursue this enlightenment for the dawning of a new post-modern age?
Roth: I have come to you to seek the truth and the enlightenment. The ultimate of ultimate of truths, our sense of being, our sense of life, our sense of ourselves. Like the desert camel that needs to satisfy a thirst, I petition you for your guidance. There is no turning back, for this is my destiny. The mashed potatoes are a little on the dry side, do you have any gravy? My doctor told me to lay off the butter.
Workman: Yes, of course. It is on the dry sink behind you.
Roth: Thank goodness! I was in fear that I might need a plunger to get the rest of this meal down.
Workman: I prefer it natural and in its original form. If the potatoes needed anything more they would cease to be a potato. See this grape here before you?
Roth: Very tasty, and seedless!
Workman: Easy...I wasn't offering this to you to eat, it was for study, to make an illustration.
Roth: I apologize. I misunderstood.
Workman: You are like this grape. Lost without a connection to your vine of truth. You seek moisture, but it cannot be derived from any other means than from within your own resources. The moisture, like the truth you seek, is within yourself, not from the vine. Do not spend time looking for it.
Roth: Gosh, you are making me thirsty. A glass of root beer about now should take care of it.
Workman: About your quest. You seek enlightenment?
Roth: Yes. I desire to...
Workman: ...no! You must rid yourself of desire. It is not until then that...
Roth: Cheesecake! Oh, please say it is cherry. It must be cherry with the crust ever so light and tender. This will rid me of the desire that the master has spoken of.
Mrs. Workman: Cherry it is, David! (In a whisper to the master: After the cheesecake and the root beer, he's outta here!)
Workman: Thank you, my wife. It is your inspiration that led me in search of an answer many years ago, which led to my invention of that beloved and revered spiritual musical instrument, the Hosaphone(tm).
Roth: This Hosaphone(tm) you speak of, as the way raindrops cascade off a fresh morning spring flower and trickles on a descent to the sweet mother earth. Yes, I am sure of what my clear path must be. It is the Hosaphone(tm). I like the sound of it. I will chant its name a thousand times when I pause to reflect on what I have learned here today on my journey. Or at least until the light changes to green.
Workman: I am pleased to find such a dedicated and deep thinking student as when I began. I do not do this for a grasp at a great fortune. I learned this when I was a graduate assistant in my great scholarly pea-soup of higher learning.
Roth: Don't you mean pursuit of higher learning?
Workman: Of course I did. The turkey stuffing was stuck to the roof of my mouth. One day when my professor was at an important meeting of minds with the faculty, I entered his vacant office to perform my assistantship duties. I was but a humble servant of my professor as you will remain here and do for me...
Roth (gazing out the window): I just noticed I left my lights on. Guess I better get my coat and go take care of that right now before the battery...
Workman: ...my duties which included sweeping the floor, answering the phone, teaching classes and squeezing packages of ketchup into family-size Heinz bottles. These condiments were acquired in great quantities by my professor as he served himself from many a brown-bag lunch at local fast- food chains. There he extracted what seemed like bushels of paper napkins which I prepared in paper sacks to be placed in the trunk of his car.
Roth: Why are you telling me this, master? To feed the soul and wipe the face is not a crime against man or beast that I know of.
Workman: It was that afternoon when I returned to my professor's office that enlightenment came upon me like a bolt of lightning from almighty Zeus himself. This knowledge shot through me, which would have brought Hercules to his knees. I had wondered for a long time, but it was clear to me that I was my professor's chosen one. Through his generous gifts of wisdom and knowledge, I was permitted to get a glimpse at what so few in their youth got to sense.
Roth: What was this truth? What was this enlightenment? Please tell me so, I beg you!
Workman: There it was, lying on my professor's desk, open to the world to see but only I could see it. I was the chosen one amongst all my fellow students to learn of this. Although it seems like a simple truth, it was communicated to me through the power of my own senses. A feeling of intense sickness fell upon me like a dam of despair had broken loose. I felt my temples start to pound as I became light-headed.
Roth: Do you have jumper cables? The car lights are starting to dim. It may take the auto club hours to find this place.
Workman: I saw...I saw...
Roth: What!? What did you see?
Workman: What I saw then bestowed to me the knowledge that I was doing what I was doing for the pure truth behind it all, not for riches or fame, but for a higher purpose. This became my enlightenment; my sense of purpose started that day.
Roth: He had his completed tax-returns left open on his desk?
Workman: Bingo! A sadness over took me like no other in my hour of discontentment as it laid there before me.
Roth: Did you then seek the teachings from a greater master?
Workman: No. I got a Computer Science degree and a job in software. There I learned of a wonderful thing called Internet where I continue my teachings through e-mail, mailing lists and newsgroups.
Roth: It sounds like a happy ending for all. I am honored to have learned your truth. Is there anything I can do to better the cause of this enlightenment that you strive to do through your teachings? I feel compelled to spread the word. Whatever you ask of me, I will go forth with my best efforts. Tell me, wise master, is there anything such a humble one as myself can do to encourage others? Anything you ask, anything at all...
Workman (raising his hand): Give it a rest! My anticipation grew as I waited for you to take a breath. Yes. I wish for you to compose an original work for Hosaphone(tm) and piano, such that it can be performed on many trumpet recitals such that players and listeners alike do not forget the simple truth of making music and look deeply within themselves for the answer to many problems.
Roth: I feel a commission coming on!
Workman: As you should. It will not be a difficult work to perform and will be a short one at that. Like something to be placed at the end of the recital so that others may leave with the knowledge of this enlightenment.
Roth: I thank you here today, master. I not only thank you, but I thank myself for making these travels to your village, to break bread with such a fine example of the enlightenment. It is your kind and gentle wisdom that you spoke from the placidity of the face of a simple child engaged in a wonderment. I feel too that I have absorbed these qualities, a quality that I will carry with me on my long and important journey. If you could toss me that roll of plastic wrap I could take the rest of that cheesecake off your hands for you.
Mrs. Workman: (looks at the master and sighs.)
2) HISTORY OF THE HOSAPHONE(TM)
3) HOSAPHONE(TM) PERFORMANCE PRACTICES
A perfect example of a work composed for the beloved Hosaphone(tm) that makes proper use of this feature is Codetta in C for Hosaphone(tm), Piano and Bass ( http://hosaphone.com/codetta) comp(h)osed by Mr. Roth. There is also available an arrangement of Codetta in C for Solo Hosaphone(tm) and Brass Quartet, playable by any brass quintet's trumpet or horn player.
How does one make different notes on a Hosaphone(tm)? I play valved brass instruments so I know that more than one open tone can be produced, (Bb, F, Bb, D) but how would one play intermediate notes on this instrument?The other so called "intermediates notes" are not needed and therefore of no concern. Hosaphone(tm) music is based only on the "natural" harmonic series. Art involves the acceptance and overcoming of limitations; to make music with a Hosaphone(tm) one must work with these limits rather than try to sneak around them by adding node holes, and other mutilations. If this is a problem for you, you are probably not worthy to play a Hosaphone(tm).
Oat Bran: microwave 1/2 cup of oat bran with one cup of water for 3 minutes; when you take it out of the microwave, add 1 cup of (no sugar) frozen berries (sour cherries if available). Mix them in so they thaw in the hot oat bran; let sit 37.5 seconds. Cover with vanilla or plain yogurt.
4) HOSAPHONE(TM) ENSEMBLE APPLICATIONS
5) HOSAPHONE(TM) CONSTRUCTION
Not very resourceful, are we there, pal? If you can't work it out from the inventor's picture on the web site, take your mouthpiece to Tom at Ace Hardware (formerly know as Hardware Hank) in the Miracle Mile Mall in Rochester, Minnesota. Tell him I sent you and he'll treat you right! Tom doesn't do mail order. You must come there in person. Charter flights and buses can be made available.
Find the bulk plastic tubing and try your mouthpiece in the end to get the right diameter. I think it's 3/8". Buy 8' long if you want a Hosaphone(tm) in C, less if you want a D, Eb, etc. Hosaphone(tm). Then go over to the kitchen goods and try some funnels. Although the funnel in hosaphone.gif is plastic I think that tin more closely replicates the glorious sound of the beloved and revered Natural Trumpet. I haven't tried the copper funnels carried in those upscale kitchen gadget stores (usually found across from Victoria's Secret in your better malls) but they will probably work OK too. Save the trip to "Kitchen of Frederick's" for when you need birthday and anniversary gifts. After all, those who hose together stay together. Then go to the electrical department and get some 1/2" wide black electrical tape. You can also use silver duct tape to give that rich-looking silver plate finish. You can either coil your Hosaphone(tm) or tape it to a 36" long 1/4" diameter birch dowel rod (or old broom handle in a pinch). Mine is coiled. But if you make the straight version you can decorate it with some old Christmas ribbons, shoe laces, or kite string as tassels. Finally, being a purist I do not permit the mutilation of my Hosaphones(tm) with nodal vent holes. That is the correct pitch for F.
If you wish to made a Hosaphone(tm) in high F, to tackle Bach's Brandenburg No. 2, start with about 6 or 7 feet. French Horn players will want to start with about 12 or 13 feet to create a Hosaphone(tm) in F.
6) HOSAPHONE(TM) DESIGN AND THEORY
7) HOSAPHONE(TM) CARE
8) HOSAPHONE(TM) INSTRUMENTAL WORKS
An order form can be found at Hosaphone(tm) Headquarters at http://hosaphone.com/codetta/orderform.html with instructions on how you can get your very own autographed limited edition of the music score. Also available is an audio Compact Disc containing the artist performance and an additional play a-long practice version without the Solo Hosaphone(tm) track -- all just for a nominal cost.
Music history textbook authors should take notice that the first UK performance of Codetta in C for Hosaphone(tm), Piano and Bass, comp(h)osed by David A. Roth, took place at the bandhall of Wantage Silver Band, in Wantage, Oxfordshire, on Sunday 13th April 1997. The Hosaphone(tm) soloist for this historic occasion was Graham Cross, a 17-year-old trumpeter and cornettist. He was accompanied at the piano by David Taylor, and on the tuba (covering the bass part) by Martin Taylor. The performance was awarded "best in class" in the Entertainment class of Wantage Band's annual band contest by adjudicator Helen Wright, solo cornet of the National Youth Brass Band of Great Britain. You can get the full eye-witness reported by Martin Taylor, Bb Tuba player & UK HosaReporter(tm) on special assignment at http://hosaphone.com/codetta/uk-performance
You will also find the Hosaphone(tm) Warm-Up, also known as The Miracle Seven, at http://hosaphone.com/warm-up
9) HOSAPHONE(TM) EDUCATION
In the early days when I was beta testing the Hosaphone(tm) prototypes, mostly for tassel placement, I had problems with pitch. I spoke in great detail with Mr. Workman about my problems and he was very encouraging. As I recall, he said that it wasn't that the Hosaphone(tm) was having a pitch problem, but it was that I was not in tune with the rest of the world and that it was my soul that needed adjusting! This was a most profound thing to say and I was told -- not only should I learn to play the Hosaphone(tm), but I needed to *be* the Hosaphone(tm). Then what proceeded was the longest moment of silence I have ever endured. It must have been not more than 30 seconds, according to my long distance phone bill, but it felt like hours. Then Mr. Workman added, "If that doesn't work, I'd cut about an eighth of an inch off the thing, it sounds a little flat to me over the phone."
10) HOSAPHONE(TM) MULTIMEDIA COLLECTIONS AND RECORDING
An announcement fan mailing list for Hosaphone(tm) Headquarters is also available free.
To subscribe, send a message to
or go to the e-groups's home page at
11) TRUTHS AND THE FUTURE
In playing a Hosaphone(tm) you can come to terms with the real essence of the brass instrument. A Hosaphone(tm) is so close to a trumpet with bits of plumbing added you can begin to see that it is the equipment that is between your ears that is what you seek to improve in this journey. The ultimate instrument is within you and the search to seek out the perfect one has to be done internally, not externally. We turn to one of the great philosophers of the 20th century, Cher, who boldly stated in a shampoo commercial aired on national TV in the US, "If it came in a bottle, everyone would have one."
12) DICTIONARY OF TERMS
Etude-checker: (1) A charlatan posing as a trumpet instructor who offers no educational benefit to the student. (2) One who assigns etudes without offering help of how to play them. (3) One who checks off etudes each lesson regardless of the student's progress.
TPIN: (1) Trumpet Players International Network, an exciting forum to which those with an interest in the trumpet exchange ideas and information. (2) An ultra-modern form of communications expected to overtake cable news by the year 2000. (3) An activity that allows its list administrator to duck out of faculty meetings in order to maintain the list. (4) A pin in the shape of the letter "T", possibly worn by Toastmasters.
Bottom-Feeder: (1) One who spends an inordinate amount of time in a tightly narrow focus of music history in order to become an expert in it almost by default since no one else has interest in that area, including the scholar doing the research. (2) One who has, at a minimum, six bachelor's degrees, four masters, three doctorates, from thirteen different colleges, all in music history and doesn't own a copy of Arban's.
Cherry Cheesecake: (1) A dessert cake. (2) A favorite of Mr. Roth.
Valve Oil: (1) A lubricant used to allow valved instruments such as a trumpet to shorten and lengthen tubing within passages quickly. (2) A highly overpriced oil used on trumpet valves. (3) Olive Oil's younger sister.
Trumpet: (1) A fully chromatic brass wind instrument used in orchestras and dance bands. (2) The lead brass instrument in any ensemble. (3) The lead instrument in any ensemble. (4) The lead instrument, period!
Graduate Assistant: (1) A scholarly pupil entrusted with teaching courses and engaging in research under the supervision of a full-time professor. (2) One who makes a grab for young co-eds when the professors aren't looking. (3) One who demands to be addressed as Mr. or Ms., while full-time tenure faculty are on a first-name basis with students. (4) One who has a tiny desk in an office on campus that used to either be a practice room or a janitor's closet.
Kurdish chamber music: (1) Non-sequitur reference.
We would like to thank the following individuals and organizations who have helped and contributed to this document:
Russ Hersch (author of FAQ on FAQs)__________________________________________________________
for his brilliant FAQ on how to write your own FAQ.
Michael Anderson (college music professor)
for his efforts in creating and keeping the TPIN running.
Mark Van Cleave (creator of Trumpet Players Online)
for his valuable contributions and continuing support for trumpet playing.
The subscribers to the TPIN
who from time to time provide valuable insight and who are always there when help is needed.
International Trumpet Guild
for planting the seed to networking trumpet players long before there was the Internet.
Bill Adam (trumpet teacher)
whose common sense follows us daily as we practice.
Louis Davidson (trumpet teacher)
whose book Trumpet Profiles has served to remind us of the greats.
Indiana University School of Music third floor practice rooms
formerly known to us in the 1970s as Trumpet Row. A place we fondly remember, as you could hear 110 trumpet players practicing day or night.
Wayne Tanabe (The Brass Bow)
who in addition to doing fine musical instrument repair and restoration, as well as sales, was consulted on Hosaphone(tm) lengths. The Brass Bow (http://www.thebrassbow.com) is located at 101 North Hickory Avenue, Arlington Heights, IL 60004, Phone: 847-253-7552, Fax: 847-253-0792. Wayne can also be reached via E-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org
Dr. David E. Stacey, PhD (college English professor)
Associate Professor and Director of Composition in the English Department at Humboldt State University (Arcata, CA) for his brilliant research, on The New Rhetoric of Email: Participatory Quotation on an Electronic Discussion List: The Trumpet Player's International Network
(http://hosaphone.com/nash/). Presented at the PALA (Poetics and Linguistics Association) conference, Summer 1997 in Nottingham, England. A must read for those seeking a PhD in Rhetoric and Composition.
(formerly located) across the street from the music building at IU in Bloomington, Indiana for making the best burgers in the world. They can be found at their current location:Hinkle's Hamburgers
206 S Adams St
Bloomington, IN 47404-5069
Phone: (812) 339-3335
You, our readers
for your support and encouragement, we are proud to be part of the global trumpet playing community.
The authors make no representation or warranties with respect to the accuracy or completeness of the contents of this FAQ, and specifically disclaim any implied warranties of merchantability or fitness for any particular purpose, and shall in no event be liable for any loss of profit or any other commercial damage, including but not limited to special, incidental, consequential, or other damages.
Copyright (c) 1996-2013 by Ellis L. Workman and David A. Roth, all rights reserved. This FAQ may be posted to any USENET newsgroup, on-line service, BBS, internet mailing lists, music professor's studio bulletin board or shellacked to the mirror of music practice rooms everywhere as long as it is posted in its entirety and includes this copyright statement.
No part of this FAQ (including but not limited to its accompanying audio sound file recordings, graphic images (motion and still), music compositions or data) may be published, including in commercial collections or compilations, in any form, by any means, (electronic, photocopying, recording, broadcast, or otherwise) without the prior written permission of the authors.
All brand names and product names used in this FAQ are
trademarks, registered trademarks, or trade names of their
David A. Roth, Comp(h)oser